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Hey guys! So as everyone who is in college probably knows, there comes a time when you have a mental breakdown and you’re so close to dropping out it’s not even funny. This can be from a number of stressful things, such as failing your classes, not having any money, or other scenarios that a large number of us have to deal with. One of the most toxic situations, in my opinion, is having a fake friend and dealing with rumors being spread. If you go to a small school, which I do, then having fake rumors spread about you can literally mean not wanting to show your face in public ever again, because everyone you see will know.
I’m going to talk a little bit about my experience, so bear with me, and I’ll also be giving tips on the red flags I should have watched out for, as well as how to make the best of the situation when it comes around.
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For the sake of the length of this post, I won’t be going into too much detail. I had a friend that I met first day of freshman year, and we instantly hit it off. We had so much in common it wasn’t even funny, and I considered her my closest friend. She would constantly tell me that I was her best friend, so I had good reason to think that I was. However, I didn’t realize how loosely she was using the term “best friend”. I think of a best friend as someone who is there for you through anything, and if anyone says anything bad about you, they’ve got your back. A best friend to me is someone who wants to hang out with you all the time, because you get each other. For her, a best friend was simply someone she didn’t mind seeing every once in a while.
I thought she was my friend when in her eyes, I clearly wasn’t. When I wanted her to be on my side she was on someone else’s, while making it seem like she was on mine. When someone tries to justify them being fake with, “Oh I’m just being nice!”, don’t believe that crap for a second. There’s a difference between being polite, and flat out lying. When someone volunteers the information that they really, really like you, and they’re constantly complimenting you and telling you how good of a friend you are, when in reality they talk bad about you to everyone else, that’s not being polite. That’s being fake.
I’m no longer friends with that person, and I can honestly say that my life has been so much better. I’m not very extroverted, so I thought that having one friend I was really close to would be enough. We never hung out because she always said she was sick or had to study, and so I spent a lot of time alone. Since we’ve stopped being friends I’ve been forced to branch out more, and the new friends I have made are more than perfect.
So without further ado, here are the red flags you should be watching for in your friendships.
1. When they talk bad about other people in front of you
This is the type of friend who can’t see a picture of a really pretty girl without finding something bad to say about them. Either they’re too skinny, too fat, too slutty, too pure, their nose is weird, they have ugly hair, etc. Give them a beautiful girl, and they’ll find something mean to say without a doubt. This is known to be the cause of insecurity, however it’s also extremely toxic for your friendship.
It’s nice to have this friend around when you don’t like a girl, and you just want to vent. This friend will definitely have something to contribute to make you feel better. However, pay attention to the way they talk around you when you gossip about other people. Is she eagerly willing to gossip, or does she try to see the other person’s side? This is important, because the way she talks about other people when you’re around is the exact same way she talks about you when you’re not around. She might say things like, “You’re my best friend, I’ll never say anything mean about you!!”. But watch out, because this probably isn’t true, and she’s probably going to talk bad about you the minute you leave.
2. She puts herself first, always
This is the type of friend who always wants to talk about her, and never seems to care what’s going on in your life. Funny story, my friend actually made me stop my one year anniversary with my boyfriend so I could go back to the room and do her makeup and take pictures of her and a guy for their first date. In her eyes, a first date is more important than a one year anniversary. This is a classic example of the type of friend who puts herself first at all times.
This is also the type of friend who doesn’t think to ever ask if something is okay. She has no problem ditching you last minute without a proper warning, or not showing up at all. All that matters to her is what she’s doing, and how it’ll benefit herself. If you find yourself constantly being stood up, or pushed to the side so she can shine, then you are dealing with a friendship red flag.
3. She lies about who she’s hanging out with or what she’s doing
This is the type of friend who somehow seems to constantly be studying, and yet they fail every exam. If you ever think to yourself, wow this friend is really busy a lot when I need her, then this could possibly be a red flag. This type of friend will definitely lie about studying, or having to work late, or some other excuse when they’re actually hanging out with other people. The worst part about this is, you don’t understand why they feel the need to lie. And yet, somehow they do, and so you never actually know what they’re doing or who they’re with. It’s not like you need to know everything about their life, but it’s never good to trust someone who lies that often.
4. You’ve seen them act fake on social media
This is like the first red flag about being fake and whatnot, however this is more towards social media, specifically Instagram. This is the type of friend who will tell you how much they hate someone, however when that person posts a cute selfie they’re definitely commenting stuff like, “OMG, SO HOT!!!”. Either they’re lying about hating them, or they are truly the worst type of fake person. I know girls who will comment on people’s Instagram posts, just to get comments back. They could hate that person more than life itself, and yet they never miss a chance to comment, in fear of not getting comments back.
This red flag has the same lesson as the first one, and that’s to never trust someone who does this to other people when you’re around, because they’re doing it to you as well when you’re not around. It’s possible that they don’t actually like you, they’re just continuing to comment for the sake of keeping you commenting on their posts. A good way to test this is to not comment on a few of their posts, and see if they still comment on yours. If they stop immediately, chances are they were only ever commenting to keep you around for the sake of popularity.
5. They pressure you into things
This is the type of friend who seems so cool, because she gives zero fucks. She’ll easily act out and do things normal people aren’t comfortable with, and it makes you want to be like that too. It’s so important to remember who you are, and to not get tied into things you’re not comfortable with. Peer pressure is insane at college, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who understand that. I know a girl whose mission is to take a picture of herself naked in every building on campus. If this is your thing, then go ahead and risk it! Be illegal, have fun. However, if you’re more comfortable with clothes on in the same building your professor is in, then don’t feel pressured into doing what she does.
How to handle these situations
If after reading this post you’ve begun to realize that your friendship with someone really isn’t good for you, then it’s so important to act on this. If you’re afraid of confrontation then simply backing out slowly will do the trick. If you go a few weeks and they never text you, or ask if you want to hang out, then they probably didn’t think of you as a friend anyways. If they do text you, don’t lie and say you’re sick. Tell them that you want to be alone, or that you want to hang out with someone else. This isn’t lying, it just isn’t telling them flat out that you don’t want to be friends.
If you’re roommates, however, then I’d suggest moving in with someone else as soon as possible. It’s so much better to cut off the toxic friendship and focus more on one with potential. Don’t be afraid of what that person may think, or what they’ll say about you when you’re gone. Remember to act nice to everyone, and no one will believe the stupid rumors because they can see how genuine of a person you are.
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These are only five of the big red flags out there, however in my eyes, they’re the most important. If you feel as though you can’t trust someone, you need to either have a conversation about it, or ditch them. Remember, your happiness is important! Don’t stick around and pretend to be nice to someone if you don’t actually like them! It’s always better to tell the truth and be happy.
A little reminder:
Disclaimer: I do not own this image
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